Thursday, 22 December 2011

Goosed!

Zeez picture iz off me vatching ze geese.  I vant to eat zem ya?  But I am not allowed, so must make do viz vatching zem.

Me Mam says I must stop goosink peoples, especially mine Farter.  I like to run and poke my noze in peoples bottomz - ze vay us dogz do ya?  But I make peoples jump and me Mam sayz it eez not polite. 

I did not know there were so many meaninks for ze word goose.

Monday, 19 December 2011

Diary of a Dog Tired Puppy

Midnight: I vent to my new bed zzz.
6:30a.m. I heard me Mam flush ze loo so I voke up and ate my new bed.
7:00a.m. Me Mam came down and told me off for eatink my new bed.  And a good mornink to you too!  Humpfff.
8:00a.m. Took me Mam out tracking in ze fields.  She kept going wrong way, but my nose iz good ya, I knew vhere I vaz goink.
10:00a.m. Back home covered in mud (me Mam zat iz, not me - I'm mud coloured, it doesn't show!)
11:00a.m. Vent to a Xmas market and vas very well behaved.  Listened to some oompah musik and ate cake.
1p.m. I vatched me Mam & Farter squabble over scrabble.  Iz 'prequire' a made up vord???
1:10p.m. I ate some scrabble peices that were tossed on ze floor as the game ended in disagreement.
4p.m. Took me Mam & Farter up ze road for a valk.
5p.m. Me Mam did some training viz me before dinner.
7p.m. Out in the garden I pooped a poly bag, a blue scrunchie and scored maximum points on scrabble!
9p.m. Beezy day, dog tired, gone to bed. . .

Sunday, 18 December 2011

Eef You Go Down to Ze Voods Today. . .


. . . your in for a muddy surprise. . .

Mud, Mud, glorious mud
Nussing quite like it for coolink ze blood!
I vent to ze voods today
And rolled viz me Mam
And ve bose came back covered
In glorious mud!

Friday, 9 December 2011

Teabags are Indigestible - It's a Fact!

Me Mam was stood next to me with a poop bag while I was out doing my business, and out popped a teabag!!!  Anyone fancy a brew?

Wednesday, 7 December 2011

A tree's a tree's a tree right?

Ok, so this is my story. . .

. . . In the garden I happily eat the branches of the tree.  I seem to be allowed.  So when a tree appears in the livingroom, I can eat that too right?  Right??? 

Seemingly not.  I got shouted at each time I pulled off the branches and ran away with them.  All 756 times in fact.  I don't understand.  Me Mam grumbled something about 'bloody dog where's your Xmas spririt' but I ain't got a clue what she's on about.  A tree's a tree to me.

Sunday, 4 December 2011

Vietnamese Pot Bellied Puppy

Oh man, never ever think it's a good idea to take the lid off your dinner storage bin and eat your way through a weeks worth of dinners.  It cost me a night at the vets with a dose of bloat, and it cost my Mam a whole lot more.  Jeez I thought I was gonna pop.  Next day me Mam thought an elephant had dumped in the garden (teehee!), I tell ya, I felt much better after that.